I was for a long time in a relationship which I thought would last till the end of my life. Then I got hurt by that person in a way, I wish nobody should ever be hurt. It took me a long time to recover from what had happened to me, and start to rebuild my life. I promised to myself that no man will ever hurt me like that, and I was sure that I will not have another man in my life again. I was so hurt and angry, that I kept telling people I don`t believe in love anymore, or trust men. How sad is that? But like always, I was wrong on planning things like this. Because as we all know, life has its own ways in the end.
I met a man, who made me nervous, because I started to realize how bad everything had been before, and how good everything suddenly was. Things I thought were normal, seemed suddenly so wrong. I was (and I am still) careful with everything, and tried to go with the flow. You know, without too much thinking what this is, where it is going and what we are. But then the questions started, because believe it or not, people have strangely strong need to label things.
So I have been thinking this a lot, the need of labels when it comes to relationships. Why is it, that you have to be able to clearly define to others, what your relationship is about? I wonder what happened to dating and taking it easy, going with the flow and getting to know each other before deciding what the relationship is about. Maybe it is the life itself at the moment, because people want everything now and fast. But I don`t think we should rush into things, especially into relationships. And when I am still sure all the man in this planet are somehow bad (Sorry, haha), it is better to build a strong basis.
By my experience from the past, people simply are super nosy, and get confused if you don`t want, or don`t know how to label your relationship. How many times I have heard from people around me “ou he is so your boyfriend” before I have even thought about that myself. I think you should first get to know the other person good, date and see how you fit together when time goes on. And only after that, you can start to label your relationship, because in the end it is only a label isn’t it?
Now a days there are so many labels that it is somehow confusing. And as we get older I feel just like Mr. Big in Sex and the City – you start to be too old to be presented as a boyfriend/girlfriend. So I have been calling someone a man-friend, and ou boy ou boy how much confusion this has created among people. And don’t get me wrong, he is not that old, hahah! But the “label” also fits as example Urban dictionary defines man-friend as “A man who is somewhere between a friend and a boyfriend.”
I also think that labeling should not have anything to do with anyone else than those in that relationship. Because what does it matter how I call him? Could it be that labels are seen more as a message: telling the world that the other person is more than somebody, that you are exclusive and committed. Maybe someone feels more special because there is a label, but what about the “stress” labeling can create?
What if I don’t want to label too early because it is scary? Because once the other person is officially presented example as a boyfriend, and not someone you are deiting, a lot expectations arise. You are a couple now, so decisions are not only yours anymore. And I don’t want to sound selfish with this, I think you know what I mean. And when you are labeled, it somehow for me becomes so much more serious, and serious is something I still relate to getting hurt. Because relationships can be (from my opinion) the worlds most amazing and beautiful things, but same time the most scariest. So am I ready to be labeled and taking the risk again?
When there is a label, I think that you are seen as a duo from that moment on, and funnily some people forget that you are still also individuals. I just had a reminder of this, when I invited friends over, and we all somehow automatically thought that one friend will come with her husband. Funny, because for sure they don’t have to do everything together, but we did not even think she would come alone. For me it is important to keep also your friend and own things, because relationship should be one part of you, not everything there is in life.
In the end I want to say, that it is your personal decisions how and when you label your relationship. I am happy with the way things are, but of course in some moments it would be easier to have a more simple “label” for us. But like said, this is our relationship and we make the rules. No label will change the meaning. Maybe a clear label would help people around us understand more better what is happening, as I have learned the past days, that some people just can’t handle things, when they don’t know exactly what is happening. So to you, who keep wondering if I have met someone, next time please ask straight from me, and stop talking behind my back. And to the others, please give us the privacy to label our relationship the way we want, when we want.
Hey what about these photos? The Mill in these photos is the Molen de Korenbloem in Ulvenhout. It has been there since 1835, and in its present shape since 1909. The Mill is still operating and every Saturday from 9.00 till 16.00 open for public. You can go and have a look, but you can also buy example flour or mill beer created using the mill. We went to visit the mill already in September, and it was nice to see how old mill looks inside. I somehow felt that as I have quit a lot to say today, I use these black & white photos, because about the mill there is not much more to say.
From these ‘deep’ thoughts back to studying. Have a nice evening!